I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize