fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
My feet surprised me
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
