So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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