So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
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