i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
meet me or not, i'm out of control
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
