The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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