I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Two words: nipple clamps
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