Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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