May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
