This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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