my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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