Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
