my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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