What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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