Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
