So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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