textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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