Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
