I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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