No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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