Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
