Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
