IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
