Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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