with your own penis?
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
one might say we're banned from that church
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
