What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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