where am i from again
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
