wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
