Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
