Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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