Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
