Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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