I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
