Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
