That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
