ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
