That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
