Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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