I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i wish my penis had a tongue
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I checked into jail on foursquare
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
