i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Everclear isn't food dammit
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
