Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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