i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
