do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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