At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
