im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
