Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
