It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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