there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
wow bdsm is so cute
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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