You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
