Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
