My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Randomize
