Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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