I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
