Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
try to milk me bitch
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
