Nicole vs. Life
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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