dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
