Don't make out with my wife yet
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Small penises have feelings too.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
