bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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