Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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