Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
