When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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