I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
