It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
