good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
