there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
