I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
