Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
