i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
