I just gift wrapped bread.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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