Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
