My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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