Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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