My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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