I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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