just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Randomize
